Surviving The Holidays After Loss

Dec 12, 2016
3 min read

Holiday's in general are about food, family, traditions and togetherness. So for those of you who are grieving this season, that can make this time especially difficult.

1. Support, support, support

No matter how awful you feel, don't sink into the "I want to be alone" trap. Social and familial support has been scientifically proven to increase resiliency (your ability to bounce back) and is crucial during times of strife.

Surround yourself with people who love and care about you. Allow yourself to enjoy their company. Be clear about what you need from them and trust them to be there for you in that way.

For those of you who will be around other grieving family members, remember that everyone grieves in their own way. Some will want to discuss the missing family member. Others will attempt to keep things light and merry. Still others will turn to food and booze. So long it's not dangerous or extraordinarily disruptive to you and the rest of the family, allow them to have what they need just as they will hopefully do the same for you.

2. Switch things up a bit

Sometimes a change can be helpful. A new tradition or change in venue can be helpful the first holiday season after a loved one has passed. This can be especially true if tradition dictates you celebrate in the home of the deceased relative. If possible, see if another family member is willing to host this year. Maybe, try going to a restaurant or a friends house.

This change is not about forgetting your loss, it's about acknowledging that things will not be the same and doing something different for the benefit of the family. Besides, grief is difficult enough without having to worry about cooking and cleaning after guests too.

3. Commemorate your loved one

Small signs of remembrance can go a long way in terms of memorializing the person you loved and cared about so much. Lighting a memory candle, recreating a signature dish, donating your time or money to a charity they supported are all ways you can honor their memory this year.

4. Focus on the good

Whether it's thinking about the good times you shared with the deceased or the good you still have in your own life right now, do your best to stay positive. This does not mean you shouldn't cry or miss anyone, however, death is a natural part of life and it is important to (at some point) move forward.

Remember, there is a process to grief and it is harmful for you to get stuck in any given stage of that process. It's not about forgetting or moving on, it's about moving forward and learning to live without this person in your life.

5. Keep moving

Staying busy during this tough time won't help you forget, but it will help you get things done. No matter what happens there are things to do; gifts to buy, food to make, company to prepare for, decorations to put up, kids to take care of... and since life doesn't have a pause button, sometimes you just have to keep busy and do what you need to do.

6. Be okay with being not okay

Practice self care so that you can be strong for anyone relying on you. Take some extra time for yourself when you need. Visit with friends and family that you can use for support. But ultimately, no matter what you do, a loved one has passed this year. Expect to be sad and miss them. Expect to cry and need additional support. This is all normal and part of the process of grieving.